If you were my facebook friend you could find this on your wall on your birthday. If you already are, and did, sorry, I’m just really proud of myself.
Yo where can a bitch get a lightweight shift dress?
Someone just messaged me:
“Very beautiful.
Buttttt
Way to much explaniation”
Consider this my last will and testament, I want that on my tombstone.
I had coffee with a friend who just started seeing this girl and is like “I think I’m projecting the qualities it lists for Cancer women on my Susan Miller astrology app onto her. I’m not sure she actually has them.” So I made him show me. One of the qualities was seriously “has nice breasts.”
…
Seriously: “Nothing turns off a Virgo faster than dirt or mess. She isn’t impressed with luxury, so don’t worry about having things ‘good enough’ for her—crisp, just laundered cotton sheets and some soft pillows are fine.” Awesome. Way to make a girl feel special, outer space.
I had coffee with a friend who just started seeing this girl and is like “I think I’m projecting the qualities it lists for Cancer women on my Susan Miller astrology app onto her. I’m not sure she actually has them.” So I made him show me. One of the qualities was seriously “has nice breasts.”
“Well?” I asked. “Does she?”
“I think so!” he said. “But that might just be because I used the app before I saw them.”
I made him look up Virgo women. The app basically instructs men looking to seduce me to “clean your room, at least a little bit.” Well hello.
Today in gchats I got: “So why do national security contractors hire ron paul supporters who will violate their security clearances in order to break up with a girl but they won’t hire me? HEY IF YOU’RE LISTENING HIRE ME.”
My officemate says “damn, Gina!” a lot, so I assumed she knew the show that’s from.
She didn’t. “It’s just a thing we always said in Minnesota.”
